Soulpreneur Scaling Stories Podcast: 20. Caveats, Buts, & Qualifiers

We all have big dreams, but it’s tempting to put conditions on them – “I’ll do this after I get more clients,” “I’m not ready yet.” Host Andrea dives into why we sabotage our visions this way and how it keeps us stuck. She shares her proven mind-tracing technique to identify and reframe the limiting beliefs and “not ready yet” stories we tell ourselves. 

Andrea helps you get clarity on taking aligned action NOW to grow your business and life without the “buts” and qualifiers our inner critic uses to keep us small and play it safe. 

Tune in to this soulful solo episode to gain the confidence and bravery to finally achieve your long-held dreams and scale your impact.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Andrea Elibero: Andrea here, your host and passionate business coach and scaling strategist for Soulful Service Providers and Coaches. Welcome to another episode of Soulpreneur Scaling Stories. Have you ever wanted to look behind the curtain of your fellow entrepreneur’s business to see what actually went into scaling it?

Well, you are in for a treat because that’s exactly what we are doing here. In each episode, we will be uncovering the truth the lessons and the stories behind what it truly takes for solepreneurs to scale their businesses intentionally. I’m hoping that their stories will help you to unlock the true potential of your business so you can create your own soulful, abundant, and aligned laptop lifestyle through intentional scaling.

So whether you’re just starting out on your scaling journey, or you’re a seasoned entrepreneur seeking inspiration, this episode has something incredible in store for you. Are you ready to rise, grow, and create? Create a business that fully supports your dream life. Well, let’s dive in before we begin, make sure to hit that subscribe buttons.

You never miss an empowering episode filled with real stories and soulful insights.

[00:01:11] 20: Hello, my virtual assistant and service provider family. So today I’m really excited to talk to you about something really interesting. Today’s episode was actually inspired by a conversation that I had recently with a done for you service provider friend who She felt so aligned and excited about teaching and coaching, but thought to herself and literally said to herself, well, first I have to work with a couple of more done for you clients, and then I will do this thing.

Okay, that sounds reasonable, right? Like I get why she put these, this caveat on herself, right? There’s like reasons that we tell ourselves to do things like this. However. I am going to dive deeper and dispel this. So I want to dive deeper into what it actually means when we put these qualifiers, these buts and these caveats onto our dreams.

Okay, ready? Let’s dig into this. I’m really excited. Okay. So it is so easy to get comfortable doing the work that we know, right? Like we all do this, right? Okay. Yeah, sure. I can do that in my sleep. Like super great. Like fine. I don’t know. But. Yeah. This might not be our actual dreams, this might not be our big vision, this is our comfort zone.

So what happens with, you know, this comfortable work, what happens when it’s not fully aligned with this big vision that we have? And this exact conversation that I was just mentioning is a great example of this, right? She’s like, Oh, my dream, my vision is to do one thing right now I’m doing this, let me do this for a little bit longer before I allow myself to.

Actually do the thing that I want to do. So I’m curious if you have ever, if you relate to this, I’m curious if you have ever felt this pull for yourself. Have you ever been in the position, or right now maybe, you can see your dream on this horizon, but it’s kind of just out of reach. It really is. The definition of a dream.

So maybe you’re setting up roadblocks for yourself. Just a few more clients. Just a little more money in the bank. Right after I finish this program. But, but, but. Then I’ll do this thing. Can you see how this can actually be a trap for you? Right, like you are putting your conditions, or sorry, you are putting conditions on your dreams.

The more conditions you put on it, the further away your dreams drift. It’s like you’re, you know, your dreams are kind of like on this river. You’re sitting there, soaking it in, you’re looking at them and each but, each caveat, they’re getting a little bit further away, a little bit out of reach. And eventually, they’re just going to get further and further away that you just don’t do them at all.

And that is, that’s a shame. You know, like, that’s really sad. And that’s the thing that really makes me, personally, sad for people, is when they’re like, Oh, I want this, I want this. But they don’t take the action to get there. Because it’s uncomfortable. It’s hard. You know, it does take. a lot of bravery to realize these dreams, to realize what you want, and actually take steps to go after them.

So I know that it is super tempting to stick to, uh, the devil you know, right? That’s the expression, right? It’s like easier to stick with the devil you know than the devil you don’t know. Your business right now, it’s predictable. It’s comfortable. Maybe you’re on, you know, maybe there’s some things going on with it that you’re not super excited about.

Like maybe you’re working a ton, you’re not making your income goals. Maybe you’re capped in, in your income because you’re working hourly based that you can’t really handle anymore. You don’t know what to do from here. But again, this is the W, you know, right? It’s comfortable. But ask yourself this, I really invite you to ask yourself, Is what you’re doing right now, as it is set up, is it lighting you up?

Is it truly aligned with your long term vision? Or have you unconsciously limited yourself and put yourself in this box and you’re just kind of humming along? And this, by the way, is often, this is the reason I imagine that a lot of people started your business in the first place, right? Is that you were just kind of blah in your 9 to 5 and you wanted something more, now you’ve achieved something more.

And now you’ve grown, you’ve evolved, you’ve grown beyond it, but now you’re putting yourself back in that box and you’re limiting yourself again. This my friends is so, so common, right? Our little inner critic, that little devil that sits on our shoulder loves to whisper imposter syndrome thoughts. You’re not ready for this.

You don’t have the expertise. What if you fail at this? Etc. Etc. Etc. I could go on. I could go on for a long time. I have heard it all. I’ve experienced them all. My clients, I have, I have seen all of the, all of the thoughts and by the way, just FYI, uh, these thoughts are actually a really good thing and that’s something I can get into in a different episode, maybe in the future.

And really, it just means that you are on the edge of your next big thing. So when these thoughts happen, thank them. Because that means that you’re growing, that means that you’re about to grow. But, back to this topic, back to, let me focus, back to what we are talking about now. Okay, so you have this inner critic, these imposter syndrome thoughts, you’re not ready, etc.

So here is what I know with absolute certainty. You’ve made it this far. That means that you have what it takes to get to your next level. Look at how much you have already overcome. Look at how much you’ve achieved with your business so far. Why are you stopping just short of what your dream is now, of this next evolution, of this next phase?

Why are you limiting yourself and holding yourself back? So right now, this week, when you’re done listening to this quick episode, I really invite you to be honest with yourself. And really think like, what are the beliefs that I’m holding? What are my limiting beliefs that are truly holding me back from my dreams?

What is the story that your inner critic is telling you? And how can you rewrite this story? And take steps today towards this vision, towards this dream, towards the aligned business that you desire to have. Now I’m not just going to leave you hanging with that, because I do want to share with you So, one technique that I work with my clients on to balance out these limiting beliefs, and this technique is called mind tracing.

And by the way, this is a technique that I learned and that I did in my PhD program for clinical psychology. Yes, I did that. And I use that to, with my clients now, because this technique is cognitive behavioral therapy based, and it is research backed, and it is, like, the thing that, that we do with people who have any type of negative thoughts.

Depression, anxiety, anything that comes up that’s a negative thought, that’s a limiting belief, that is not based in reality and facts, I will get to that. Um, we use this technique to, address them and to balance them out. And this is something that is super applicable to these imposter syndrome thoughts as well.

So I’m going to kind of lay it out for you at the higher level of what you, what you do with mind tracing. So here are the steps. So first is that you, what is the thought, right? So what is this thought that is in your head? Write it down. Okay, this is my belief, this is what my mind is telling me, this is what’s going through my head and what’s kind of stopping me.

And rate, write it down, rate from 1 to 10 how much you believe that thought. Right, so as an example, maybe your thought is that I don’t have the experience to do this. I can’t get to this next, I can’t, let’s say in this case, I can’t offer coaching, I don’t have the experience. I need more clients first.

Okay, and I believe this at 8. The next step is to write down the emotion and the feelings that you’re feeling in your body. And also rate this on a scale of 1 to 10. Okay, I think this thought and I feel nervous and anxious and scared and these are a 6 or whatnot. And I’m feeling in my stomach, I’m feeling some butterflies, my throat is kind of feeling like it’s closing a bit.

So I’m feeling kind of tension in these areas. Now, the next thing you do is write out evidence that supports this thought. So what is the evidence you have that supports this? This thought of, I need more clients, I’m not ready, I don’t have expertise in this. Okay, I’ve been doing this for, I don’t know, X number of years.

I don’t know everything 100 percent that there is to know about this topic. I haven’t done this before. Okay, great. So you write down the evidence that supports it, and then next you write down the evidence that does not support this thought. So this could be something like, well, let’s see, let’s look at the work that I’ve done with my Done For You clients, right?

Okay, I’ve achieved this, I’ve achieved that, I’ve actually been coaching them. Like, by accident, or just as part of what I’m doing. So even though I don’t have formal experience, maybe I’ve been doing some of this work kind of informally. Um, here are the successes my clients have had. And it is true that I haven’t done this yet.

But it is also true that I don’t know that it’s going to fail. I don’t know what the outcome is going to be. Okay, great. So, now you have the evidence that doesn’t support that thought. So now, if you weigh out, look at your evidence for your original thought and your evidence against, and now, taking into account the actual evidence in real life, write down a more accurate, balanced thought.

So this could be something like, you know, although I haven’t done this before, and it is not guaranteed that I’m going to fail, I do have, I have been successful in the past because of XYZ, so maybe this is something that I could do. Now note that I didn’t say that your balanced thought has to be something that is 100 percent on the positive side, that’s like a manifesting affirmation type of situation.

That is not what we’re doing here. We are literally just gathering facts and writing something that is more balanced. So once you have this balanced thought, now what are your emotions and what are your feelings? And again, rate those from 1 to 10. So great, okay. Well now I’m feeling kind of neutral, maybe even a little bit excited.

Oh, I’m feeling this like a 6. Right? And now, look back to your original emotion. Oh, I was anxious, I was scared, etc. It was an 8. Now it’s like a 4. I’m still nervous, I’m still, you know, a little bit anxious, but now it’s gone down. Most of the time, I would, I would say the vast majority of the time, these numbers with the original emotions decrease.

The goal is not to eliminate your negative emotions to zero. Because that is not realistic. That is too much of a jump. That’s not how our brains work. The goal is literally to have a more balanced thought. And now with this balanced thought, It’s no longer stopping you. It’s no longer limiting you the way the original thought might have done so.

And the more you do this exercise, the quicker you can do it, the quicker you can kind of change that mindset and be ready to take action, be prepared. So, so I really hope that doing this exercise and kind of going through this with you is something that you will use, that you will take with you, and I would love to know So, if you’ve done it and like do it and let me know how it’s going for you.

So, so the other thing that I want you to know is that you, you, I’m talking to you so listen up, but you absolutely deserve to do the work that lights you up. You absolutely 100 percent deserve to feel aligned, to feel excited, to provide the deep support that you need. That you are meant to provide to your clients, to do the work every day, day in and day out that you absolutely love.

And, this is not just going to fall into your lap. This takes work, just like it took you work to get to where you are now, and pushing past our comfort zone, as you know, because you’ve done it before, is a scary thing. But it is so, so worth it. So keep taking those small, imperfect steps forward and just know that you’ve got this and I’ve got your back.

And if you want to, I so invite you to connect with me if you want to have somebody more so in your corner as you work through this. All of my info, free resources, programs, everything you need to help you are in the show notes. So I invite you to go check it out there and I will see you my friends in the next episode.

[00:14:47] Andrea Elibero: Thank you so much for joining us today. I really hope you found inspiration and insights from today’s episode.

You know, scaling your business intentionally and from the inside out is a transformational process, but I’m here to support you every step of the way. Head on over to dancingleafsolutions. com slash resources for free tools to help you do just that.

And thank you again for being a part of the Soulpreneur Scaling Stories community. Your presence and dedication to growth inspire me every day.